Memory of a Loved Place, In the Rain

"He couldn't spell his name." -The check-out person at Duane Reade, to his co-worker, about the customer before me.

 Pressure's on.

 I would have no use for this.

self portrait: "from a few days ago"

"The World's Most Depressing Trip to the Drug Store"

A pint of cookie dough ice cream

Hand cream

Comedy is in threes.

--

What do they call it when you masturbate two times in one hour?

Productivity is next to Godliness.

"You should write a blog." -A women I met at my new job. 

Soft pretzel on the curb, up to no good.  

"Turning into Memory"

I can't conceive of the future.

I can hardly conceive of the present.

What I can conceive of

Is fresh cut grass

And your falsetto

Lilting a tune

I didn't know

Before I knew you.

I can conceive 

Of the flow of wind on my face

At the shore.

And the outline of your body

Sauteing onions in nothing but an apron.

And the outline of your body

Beneath my sheets.

I can conceive 

Of the breath of the sun

Baking exposed shoulders

And how much cooler it feels in the shade

And how you sounded

When you said you loved me.

I can't conceive

Of who would attend my funeral

But I would want you to be there.

But I'd rather go to a wedding with you.

But I'd rather go on a picnic with you.

--

Why are there no overweight pigeons? Or are all pigeons overweight pigeons?

At least I am wearing a costume

"Sometimes, you want to get there faster, but there is traffic in the way." -A delivery man I let into my new job, about the difficulties of making deliveries.  (or possibly, about everything?)

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

"I've got a little man in my ear telling me what to do"

Today

I am not thinking about poetry.

Today

I am thinking about tomorrow

And yesterday.

Today

I am wearing a pink tank top

To try

To live

As if.

Today

I am riding an elevator.

Mostly down,

But probably actually 

Equally up and down.

Admitting past is past

And futre is far

And present is painful

And I'm not getting mine back.

Oh,

That I had wings like a dove!

For then I would fly away

From today.

--

This morning I meant to grab my American Apparel cardigan to wear over my American Apparel tank top but I accidentally took my American Apparel harem pants instead! Can you imagine?

If you're willing to walk there in the rain, you must want to go.

"Use lemon juice." - My coworker, when I asked her what I should do when I run out of lime juice.

 Two therapists can't fix a door.

Almost.

Meanwhile, back in Florida...

"Sign of Things to Come"

Jealousy--

Watching

A motorcycle fly past

When

On bike.

--

"Small-Town NYC"

Sunday morning

Is

The new

Saturday night.

--

"The Frame of a Home in Another"

The last thing

That happened

Was that I put out my hand

And you walked away.

And now

I don' know

Where you are.

--

My friend Meghan got a nice, salaried job with nice vacation benefits.  Victory!

Thinking about Forgetting

"One day I'll be big enough so you can't hit me." -The one and only Taylor Swift


                       

Yes, but how did they build the crane?

"It's Only Natural"


I feel homeless.

I'm subletting a room in a neighborhood that is new--and that I'll eventually know when I move into a different apartment in that same neighborhood long-term in August. But I am leaving it for a month before I return and lay roots.

I'm living with people I know from my first year of college. I "know" them and they "know" me, but neither of those knowledges are particularly present. There is talk of us cooking together in the near future.

I was just in my hometown in Florida for three days. It was fun but hard. Now I am back in New York, which is hard but fun. Both feed me in incomplete ways.

The person that I spent the last year building a home in has left, and he's shown no sign of coming back.  This is a big one.

My friends are all my age and are going through dissimilar but equivalent crises.

No plans past September. Surprisingly little ability to reminisce much past a year or two ago.

I'm supposed to meet a friend for dinner in about an hour in a part of Brooklyn that neither of us know that well. And I'm sitting in a cafe, eating a muffin that I don't want because it is supposed to start to rain.

--


Who can prove that mermaids don't exist? The ocean is so enormous.

Sleeping in someone else's bed

"Nothing will happen until you leave your house!" -Susan Miller

Good day to be a pigeon!

  

self portrait: "relationships to depression"

"Rushing to a Delay"

Try

To cry

On your way down

The Manhattan Bridge.

It cools you.

When 

You are tired

You are only

Tired.

--

Chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! 

Leaving things a little more gentrified than how I found them

"Do you hate it?" -The server at a restaurant I ate at, about a dessert she recommended.  

"Who decided that nature was perfect." -My friend, out of the blue.

All that is solid melts into air. 

It's going to be an almost perfect summer. 

Subliminal.

"Molting"

Showering

(After a few days of not showering)

Can make you feel

Like a new person.  

You aren't a new person--

You're the same person,

Just cleaner.

But its nice to feel

That way

Anyway.

At least until

You are dirty

Again.

--

June has got to be about productivity.  It is for walruses.  

Today could have been better--but it could have been worse!