criossants are mostly air

"oh wait! i want to sit on it, i want to sit on it! it's my turn to sit on it!" - the kid i babysit, about a whoopy cushion

i think i'm doing it right!

"karma of eating nonseasonal fruit"

i don't

want to oversell it,

but i seriously injured my thumb

while peeling a tangerine.

--

i wonder if we started referring to "work" as another word if i would stop emotionally eating so much chipotle before my shifts.

who doesn't love to cuddle?

"she's AMAZING!!!" - my twenty-year-old sister, over text message, about miley cyrus

what to people in gentrified brooklyn buy at the grocery store?

"for one more drink"

if you go out with these people,

then you can't go out with those people,

and the beat goes on.

--

i started watching a 'ted talk' by malala's father--but i got bored.  

everything is awesome

"if you close your eyes and sit on the couch, me and wade will make you look more mature and smell good." - the kid i babysit

if my boss were dead, i would never go to work.

"am i making this up?"

a blind woman

with her seeing eye dog

sits silently 

across from me on the subway.

her eyes are closed; 

she seems to be sleeping

as we travel below the east river

from brooklyn into manhattan.

i change trains at chambers street.

i fall asleep

for a time.

i am roused by the name of my subway stop

being read over the intercom.

i open my eyes

and i see the blind woman in front of me

standing with her eyes closed.

--

i don't want to do things that i don't want to do!

we can't stop.

"why does tragedy exist? because you are full of rage.  why are you full of rage? because you are full of grief." - anne carson

surprise, there's a dog!

"in the same bed"

a homeless man

farted on the subway.

everyone turned to look at him

and he thought

"that's all i need to do

to get a little attention?"

--



newly sleeping with someone means having to pretend that your body doesn't make a lot of the sounds that it actually makes.

winders and losers.

"that sounds delicious!"  - a person at my restaurant, about a decalf skim latte 

found: balloons

"bananas"

a celebrity

walks into a restaurant.

behind her sunglasses,

she doesn't recognize

that nobody recognizes her.

--

it is remarkable how resistant people are to do things that make them fell uncomfortable

a little whyne

"we have four small avocados.  what more could you want?" - a generation

the world's most disgusting toothbrush

pizza pie!

"heat rises"




i'm shitting in a starbucks

wearing my winter coat.

it is the unpleasant kind of shit,

with no beginning, middle, or end.

outside, i hear the barista yelling my name

desperately.

--




dissapointed with the state of frozen food in the twenty first century.

halfsies

"it's so tempting just to sleep. i'm glad to know that doesn't change in thirty years." - my roommate, on the phone with her mother 

which blazer do you think is most professional?

"comes around"

i decided to spend time with my friend

instead of spending time with the person i'm seeing.

then my friend

decided to spend time with the person they are seeing

and i rode the subway home by myself.

--

i'm curious as to the evolutionary origin of spooning.