Friday, April 25, 2014


"i'll steal your iphone! i don't care if you get killed!" - a stranger on the street, yelling to another person across the street 



"hilary, 2015"

i never used to drop my iphone.  then i did it once and the screen shattered.

now i drop my iphone all the time, and the screen has never cracked again.  and that is a conspiracy.


"and everything starts to change"

i ate zucchini bread today.

it was tasty
but i couldn't help but wonder,



nothing iterates the selfishness of humankind like riding a bike up eighth avenue in manhattan.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

you'll know

"can you please put that away? i'm scared." - a person on the subway, to another person on the subway, holding a shitzu wearing a 'service dog' jacket

there's a market for everything these days!


on the a train, reading the new testament over a stranger's shoulder, i counted the word 'jesus' used seventeen times on one page.

the new testament must be mostly about jesus--in the same way that sex in the city is mostly about carrie bradshaw.


have we gotten lazy with the design of the fork?  is there an innovate way to alter the design of the fork to make it more effective? 


Saturday, April 19, 2014

we here highly resolve

"jump and the net will appear." -my dad, and probably originally someone else 


they really get you with the 'chia seeds'.

"and a little bit softer now"

when newly in love,
it is more difficult to get ready for bed.


all i want for easter is nice abs.

Friday, April 18, 2014

sugar coated rasins in float in my cereal

"it was the most amazing tasting almond i've ever eaten." - my friend, about raw sprouted almonds

the sun was shining on the purity diner today.

found: lime-flavored greek yogurt


frozen grapes,
implies forsight.


why isn't there a better mechanism with which to clean a cheese grater?  i sincerely believe that, by this point in human history, we should have developed a better mechanism with which to clean a cheese grater.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

think of me fondly

"i'm glad mitt romney didn't win because my mom says that he wanted to take away the cat in the hat." - the six-year-old that i babysit, during an unrelated conversation

guess what an almost-empty subway car looks like!

"hold onto me"

you are the person sitting at the table drinking margaritas.
you are the person standing next to the table serving margaritas.


"a nascent aroma"

when the little boys mother came home, he ran over to the babysitter and shouted,

if i were a girl, i would want my baby to come out of my vagina. i wouldn't want them to cut a hole in my stomach and pull it out that way.

and the mother blushed.


what is the best food to eat before you have sex? 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

fake mad leads to real mad

"love, even if it ends, you're going to be okay." - the woman i let cut me in line for the bathroom at a mexican restaurant in soho

this is what a child's birthday party on manhattan looks like.

even in spring, it's okay to blue

"real voodoo"

the sound

of a group of six-year-olds

running toward a shattered piƱata 

is the sound

of a group of adults

running on broken glass.


100% chance of rain today.

Monday, April 14, 2014

i'm all alone, there's no one home

"happy monday!" - no one

things change.

"we're taking this a little too far"

some mornings,
you wake up looking a certain way
and feel beautiful.

some mornings,
you wake up looking that same certain way
and feel repulsive.

and one morning you won't wake up.


being gay is great! and i hate buzzfeed.