Monday, March 31, 2014

criossants are mostly air

"oh wait! i want to sit on it, i want to sit on it! it's my turn to sit on it!" - the kid i babysit, about a whoopy cushion

i think i'm doing it right!

"karma of eating nonseasonal fruit"

i don't

want to oversell it,

but i seriously injured my thumb

while peeling a tangerine.


i wonder if we started referring to "work" as another word if i would stop emotionally eating so much chipotle before my shifts.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

who doesn't love to cuddle?

"she's AMAZING!!!" - my twenty-year-old sister, over text message, about miley cyrus

what to people in gentrified brooklyn buy at the grocery store?

"for one more drink"

if you go out with these people,

then you can't go out with those people,

and the beat goes on.


i started watching a 'ted talk' by malala's father--but i got bored.  

Saturday, March 29, 2014

everything is awesome

"if you close your eyes and sit on the couch, me and wade will make you look more mature and smell good." - the kid i babysit

if my boss were dead, i would never go to work.

"am i making this up?"

a blind woman

with her seeing eye dog

sits silently 

across from me on the subway.

her eyes are closed; 

she seems to be sleeping

as we travel below the east river

from brooklyn into manhattan.

i change trains at chambers street.

i fall asleep

for a time.

i am roused by the name of my subway stop

being read over the intercom.

i open my eyes

and i see the blind woman in front of me

standing with her eyes closed.


i don't want to do things that i don't want to do!

Friday, March 28, 2014

we can't stop.

"why does tragedy exist? because you are full of rage.  why are you full of rage? because you are full of grief." - anne carson

surprise, there's a dog!

"in the same bed"

a homeless man

farted on the subway.

everyone turned to look at him

and he thought

"that's all i need to do

to get a little attention?"


newly sleeping with someone means having to pretend that your body doesn't make a lot of the sounds that it actually makes.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

winders and losers.

"that sounds delicious!"  - a person at my restaurant, about a decalf skim latte 

found: balloons


a celebrity

walks into a restaurant.

behind her sunglasses,

she doesn't recognize

that nobody recognizes her.


it is remarkable how resistant people are to do things that make them fell uncomfortable

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

a little whyne

"we have four small avocados.  what more could you want?" - a generation

the world's most disgusting toothbrush

pizza pie!

"heat rises"

i'm shitting in a starbucks

wearing my winter coat.

it is the unpleasant kind of shit,

with no beginning, middle, or end.

outside, i hear the barista yelling my name



dissapointed with the state of frozen food in the twenty first century.


"it's so tempting just to sleep. i'm glad to know that doesn't change in thirty years." - my roommate, on the phone with her mother 

which blazer do you think is most professional?

"comes around"

i decided to spend time with my friend

instead of spending time with the person i'm seeing.

then my friend

decided to spend time with the person they are seeing

and i rode the subway home by myself.


i'm curious as to the evolutionary origin of spooning.

Monday, March 24, 2014

high like plains

"do you know what the deepest ocean is? the indian ocean. it's so deep that submarines can't even go to the bottom." - my ninety-two-year-old grandma, over skype

and the home of the brave

a few tiny things doing a lot of important work

not the biological function of an egg.

aren't you cold??

in the year 2014, people will be able to video chat with people thousands of miles away!

“college debt”

today, i saw an old professor of mine walking toward me a hundred-or-so feet down the street. 

as she approached, i noticed her notice me, and bury her head into her right shoulder. 

it was odd.


“an inconvenient truth”

most things went well.

but then one thing didn’t go well.

and suddenly, it felt like most things weren’t going well.


“what i imagine”

it is like

when you know that something great

is about to happen to you.


“leggings as pants”


hath no fury

like the rage

of an eight-year-old girl

from TriBeCa.


spring is the season for polyamory!

Friday, March 14, 2014

we should get married

"i 'liked' it and i shouldn't have." - a customer at my restaurant, who was experiencing a very acute trauma 

r.i.p. whitney

"parallel lives"

this man in a black beanie came into my restaurant for lunch with his boyfriend on his birthday. i'm relatively sure they were there for lunch because it was lunchtime and they ordered lunch food. i'm relatively sure it was his birthday because i interrupted him while he was opening a birthday present. i'm relatively sure the person he was with was his boyfriend, because they laughed and talked and touched they way boyfriends often do.

a few days later, the same man wearing the same black beanie came in for what would, again, be most accurately described as "lunch." this time, he sat across the table from a person who appeared to be a woman and his friend.

today, at chipotle, i saw this man again. he had a large to-go bag that looked like it was probably holding enough food for at least two people. he had his coat on and one head phone in--the combination of which makes me believe he planned to leave chipotle and bring the bag of food somewhere else, to eat it with at least one other person.

i'm happy for this man, because it seems like he lives a life where he has a lot of people who want to eat with him. 


dating should be illegal.

everything about him was red

"god please stop it! i don't want to hear that repetitive song that you sing!" - a parent, to their child

be the change you wish to see in the world.

     did someone lose this gorde? I found it!

         things occur on different planes.


what's nice about waiting in the "visual art book" section at the strand to  meet someone for a date is that you get to decide what artist's collection you want to be looking at when he arrives.

if you are looking at dali, he might think you're interesting but a little expected.

if you are looking at caravaggio, he might think you're stable or boring.

if you are looking at mapplethorpe, he might think you're trendy or that you drink your coffee black.

if you're looking at matisse he might think you're fun.

if you're looking at kandinksy he might think you're gay.

if you're looking at monet, renoir, or da vinci he might not think anything at all.

if you are waiting for a date in the "visual art book" section at strand, trying to figure out what artist's collection you want to be looking at when he arrives, and he approaches you from the opposite side that you logically expected him to approach you from, and he arrives fifteen minutes earlier than you thought he would, you might be caught looking at a book on how to draw male nudes.  and he'll know that you're going to have sex later.


The person who sold me coffee asked the person behind me if they were a student--but they didn't ask me. What could I possibly look like if I don't look like a student??

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

i just want to be the girl you like

"if it sucks we'll leave and go to the upper west side." - a man on the street, with a really shitty plan b

                 thanks, toilet seat!

"this morning"

this morning i awoke 
to the sounds of seagulls shrieking
outside my apartment window.
they sounded angry and confused.
i would be too
if i found myself in a foreign environment 
before sunrise.


putting things off until the last minute means that, most of your minutes, you get to choose what to do with.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014


"treat the situation like you are a celebrity.  like he should be thankful for any time that he gets to spend with you." - unsolicited dating advice from the host at my restaurant



"server as pseudo psychologist"

i have learned something about love.  that it is impossibly to express anything really true about love to someone who has not themselves experienced that truth.  therefore, the only thing we can truly say about love is that there is nothing we can say about it.


it's still hard for me to use some things that are child-proof.  it's hard for me to open bottles of pills, it takes me a few tries.  when am i going to reach my growth spurt?


Monday, March 10, 2014

Photo Progressions

"Dead Animal" Progression:


"Fried Eggs" Progression


"Lonely Food" Progression


"Whaling" Progression