Friday, March 7, 2014

pez pez pez

"he's gone, but he's still with me now." - an eighty-two-year-old woman in a workshop i am teaching, about wearing her husbands scarf

sometimes poop is so stereotypical.


used record player on the street in brooklyn?  too easy!




"i forgot to brush my teeth"



i'm sitting on the subway riding to park slope from time square and i notice i lost my notebook.  i notice an email on my phone telling me i will owe three hundred and fifty dollar loan payments every month for the next twenty years.  i notice that the person sitting across from me is glaring because i am stress eating my bag of lays potato chips too loudly.  i notice that none of the songs passing through my earbuds into my brain are offering me any respite of tranquility.  then, somehow, i notice a particle of dust drifting across my plane of vision iside the subway car.

it is dancing in the breezeless chamber, propelled forward and backward and upward and downward by the momentum of the jerky c train.  it is floating like it is in the ocean.  it is flying like it is a tiny bird in a vast, unobstructed sky.  it is in direct relation to the movement of the subway and the people on the subway, but it holds command of its movement.  it seems conscious.  it has a sense of humor.

my eyes strain to keep track of the transluscent speck as it circles around the metal support poles in the center of the car.  i lose it for a second as my vision refocuses when the train freezes at the next stop. but once the doors close and we resume our speed, the particle regains its vitality.  i spot it ambling past the advertisements for discount dermatologists on the wall.

is it a flake of skin?  or a speck of fabric?  is it a piece of food that someone coughed up, or the tip of a feather from a molting pigeon?

and i remember for the first time since i woke up this morning while being held tenderly in the arms of a naked someone-else how anxious i felt when i woke up this morning being held tenderly in the arms of a naked someone-else.

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what's another word for 'thesaurus'?



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