Who Am I Today?

"You're going to be okay." - The man at Subway who made my sandwich, because he intuited I wasn't totally sure of that

not to sound like a broken record...

"Softly"


I've claimed you
With my hands.
I've laid my fingerprints
On your skin.

Call me whatever you like,
I know who I am.

I've known the inside of you.
I've understood
What's behind your eyes.
I've seen you
Feeling safe and taken care of.

Call me whatever you like,
I know who I am.

I've had low self esteem,
And am feeling the first pangs
That I might be okay.

There's no room to say,
"I'd like to make stuffed artichokes with you."

The smell of dirty clothing
Is making me turn the other way.

Call me whatever you like.

--




What a piece of work is man.

Beautiful Clouds

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." -Joseph Campbell

no way will i ever eat hard boiled eggs from a bodega

what meals look like in the future

"www.whalefacts.org"



It's so easy
To be romanticized
By your ideas,
And so challenging to reconcile
With reality.

Whales poop:
There poop is rich in nutrients.
It nourishes cultures of phytoplankton
Which absorb enormous amounts of carbon
From the atmosphere.

This is a reality.

--



I had a long day so I rewarded myself with some soft cheese.

Work

"We smoked a J, ate some cereal, and I took a thirty dollar cab home." - My friend, recounting the end of her Saturday night.

everyone's least favorite part of a trip.

"On a Crowded Subway"


I can only really think
About one thing a day.
Where is there a culture
Where this is okay?

--


"While Falling Asleep"


Do whales poop?

--




I think that when you need something from someone, even if you are receiving that thing from other people, you are pretty much unsatisfied.  Vague enough to be true?

Sent with Love and Pride

"Please be so careful and use good judgment and stop and think about what you put in your mouth." - My mom, to me, as she hugged me goodbye

happy florida.

"Really Clear Seas"


If I got bitten by a shark,
I would acquire a whole new set of problems:
But most of my current problems
Would go away.

--


"i can do better than i did"



Going home
To not a home.

So far
So wrong
So far away.

I still
Can't even read your name.

I still
Can't visit so many places.

I still can't sleep on both sides of the bed:
Who are you these days?

I can try to be fine
But you're still on my mind.
--


"The World is Overpopulated"



Every time
I fly back to New York City
From my home town,
My mother stands
Outside the security line
And waits to wave goodbye to me
Until I've made it to the other side
And put back on my shoes.

I have no idea how she feels
While she does this.

--


I need advice from someone, but I'm not sure who.




Happy Birthday to my freshman year roommate who I haven't spoken to in four years!

100 Days in a Row!

"I'm trying to figure out which way is left and which way is right." - My childhood mentor, about I'm not sure what.

 light behind a light

light behind clouds

lights behind a boy on a merry-go-round

"Memories, Dreams, Reflections"

A lot can change in 100 days.

You can buy a bike. 

You can join a gym.

You can find new music to listen to.

You can start a book

Then not finish a book

Then start a different one

Then give it away

Then start a third

And lose it on the train

So kind of give up on fiction.

You can be in love with someone

And try to make it work.
You can give up on someone
Or give up on giving up.

A lot can change in 100 days.

You can move
Or be moved.

You can have a herpes scare.

A lot can change in 100 days.

Your mood.
Your job.
Your underwear.

Your dreams.
Your memories.
You can start to go to therapy.

You can forget voices
And faces.
And give up on giving up.

A lot can change in 100 days.

You can smoke too much weed.

You can watch a bunch of your friends get engaged.

--


There is no such thing as a steady incline of progress!

Searching for Maps

"Clean the car." - My dad, to me, the second before I woke up.

"What is the date?" - My mom, to me, the second after I woke up.

 standing in the middle of the road

When the table comes preset with hand sanitizer...

"Sinus Infection: Day Fifteen"


Have you ever blown your nose
While you're taking a shit?
It is the closest
You can come
To exploding.

Just because I flush mine
Down the toilet
Doesn't mean
That someone isn't stepping in my poop.

--



"Honesty"


Softly
Tousled
Morning
Hair.

--


Today I bought myself an expensive water color set, because maybe I am the kind of person who owns an expensive water color set.



Ok! I've been listening to a lot of Sugar Ra recently!




How do you keep your car smelling nice? Keep a half eaten cinnamon bun in it.

Seeing a Movie with You

"You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself" - Herman Hesse

i think i'd like to get married in this chapel.

"on one side of the bed"


Awakening
In a fog of your farewell:
i can't see a potential future between us.

And all I loved
I loved alone.

Don't think about friends
Don't think about school
Don't think about anything
Just think about sleep.

--


There is an inhuman amount of mucus clogging my facial cavities.  The metaphor writes itself.

Looking for a Sunny Home

"You're single, right?" -  Bettie, the "reception specialist" at my doctor's office.

Really makes you think about what you didn't study in college... 

Anything classier than a painting of a white tiger?

"creating mythology"



sometimes,

i wonder:


--



My doctor told me that I have a deviated septum--so I bought myself some fries from McDonald's. That's pretty fair, right?

Up Against Limitations

"You're still a little kid." - My dad, when I asked him if he wanted to see a photograph of me as a little kid

 pie tin: half full?

There is nothing in the entire universe I want as much as he wants food.

"Are You Sleeping Alone?"

My sinuses are about to explode

Because of all the tears

I haven't cried for you.

There is such pressure

Behind my right eye

Because I haven't seen you since February.

It's seven in the morning

And my mother is talking to me

About canceling a doctors appointment

Or scheduling a doctors appointment

Or rescheduling a doctors appointment

And all I wan to do is take a shit

To get rid of the dream that I had about you last night

Again

Again

Again 

Again 

Again.

--

I have started wearing a sharks tooth necklace.

Still Dreaming

"If you put that down and lose it, I swear to god I'm going to hurt you." - A mother on the street, to her toddler son, about a plastic bag full of leftovers from a restaurant

 Especially handy if you are on your period.

 There is even room for the disabled person in your family whose hand you won't hold!

"I wonder if I will ever make as much money as my male equivalents in the workplace..."

"like i would hold a flower"

turn left

at the merry-go-round--

i don't want to be in prison

for my beliefs,

but I have to.

my name depends on you--

when the vegetables are gone,

they are gone.

if I eat another carrot this week,
i'll scream.

--

Free Pussy Riot!

"Mozart was writing symphonies when he was nine.  You are doing it." - My dad, about me.  

Another house is being built in America.

"While Eating a Salad"



The importance of the ability to spend hours with a person is not to be underestimated.

The importance of the ability to eat the same food as a person is not to be underestimated.

Nothing is better for a sinus infection than submerging your head in the ocean.

--



"has everyone felt this way, or am i an alien"



hi,

i'd like to talk to you.
and tell you that i love you.

recently i started missing sleeping with you,
again.

i'm sure you're far away by now.
what a terrible thing to be sure of.

i'm sure i sound like a middle schooler by now.
what a terrible thing to be sure of.

oh,
what to do
with a hole
in one's heart?


--


Nothing feels better than when suburban housewives say you have a nice ass!

at some bars, you can't wear jean shorts

"You know the worst part of my day? When mom forgot to buy me my summer reading book." - My little sister, about the worst part of her day.

self portrait: peeing in the wilderness

"What I Say to my Dog"

Do you know how much I love you?

Do you know how much I love you?

I love you so much.

I love you so much.

I'll miss sleeping with you when you're dead.

--

Hanging out with high schoolers is the way to go.

The Exquisite Misery of Choice

"The first time I heard of Britney Spears was when she shaved her head." - One of the campers at the summer camp I am working at (!!)

Will there ever be anything more interesting than watching an ant pile?

"Three Year Warranty" 

I have a friend

In California.

We fly together

To London and France.

We connect each other.

--

"After a Midnight Snack of Enchiladas"

Last night I had a dream

So traumatic

That I forgot it.

Not a lot to say.

--

I think everyone is starting to dress like it is the 90's again because in the 90's we weren't in an economic recession.

i think i'm going to go to sleep.

"Do you have one of those fancy ones? Does it tell you everything?" -My grandma, about my phone

cookies shaped like candy--THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

 Unpaid labor.

"a tank of gas costs fifty dollars"

No poetry today,

No poetry today. 

I always have a headache, 

So no poetry today.

--

I'm in this tough spot where I require more than eight hours of sleep a night to function at a normal human level.

We Have Been Everything Before

"Well, you know what your problem is." -My dental hygienist, after she flossed my teeth for the first time in six months.

Thanks for ruining the planet, asshole. 

Will I ever stop going to my childhood dentist? 

You are either in, or you are out.

"No Reflection: Rediscovering Body"

today

i am

unsettled.  

i'm getting harrier 

are you getting harrier?

--

I've developed a habit of adding a shot of espresso to my ice coffee.  Slippery slope.

I learned today that I can't listen to Debussy without crying.  One more for the list!

trivia is so in right now

"Most people don't end up with the first person they fall in love with." -My friend's mom (who married her high school sweet heart)

A perk of being unemployed.

"I Forgot About Traffic"

Drive thru Starbucks 

In Suburbia:

Now I never have to see my neighbors!

--

Something about being home makes me masturbate all the time.  Can I get an amen!

The Hierarchy of Boarding an Airplane

"It's not home is what Mike said." -A woman sitting next to me at the airport, who had been up since four o'clock this morning!

solo.

"I Miss You Immeasurably"


We never went
Dancing.

--



"Things I Thought About on the way from Chicago to Jacksonville"



Am I the kind of person who turns off their cell phone completely when a flight attendant tells me to, or the kind of person who puts it on airplane mode and turns the screen off?

Enlisting the help of passengers who happen to be sitting in the 'Emergency Exit' row to help manage the plane during an emergency seems like a flawed system.

How do the airline people not lose every bag every time?

There are so many different vehicles on an airport runway that all only serve one specific function.

How often do the people who guide airplanes with those orange glow sticks get breaks?

What percentage of male flight attendants identify as heterosexual?

The cars that drive people around inside the airport are weird and everyone is always in their way.

Why do the window shades have to be open during take off and landing?

If I wanted to buy every seat on a flight of a commercial airline so I was on the plane by myself, would I be allowed to?  Has anyone ever done this before?

--


Congratulations! You put an open bottle of Diet Coke in your backpack.  Aspartame kills!

We'll Never Get to the Aquarium

"We should get a chandelier." - My friend.

I'm not sure what to say.

"As We Draw Further and Further Away"

I went to buy a diet coke from a drug store. The total came to $2.43, so I  gave the check out person two singles. I rustled around in my wallet for a minute or so to try to find the appropriate change (which I did). I was looking way from the check out person for so long that they had managed to put my diet coke half inside a plastic bag without my noticing.   

Thanks, but I don't need a bag I said.

You can just take it to the garbage and throw it away on your way out they said to me.

So I picked up the diet coke and took it out of the bag and went to throw it away in the trash can by the door on my way out. But then I stopped.  Because I recognized the injustice of what had just occurred. I put the plastic bag in my backpack and told myself that I would use it later.

--

New Apartment's Year Resolution: buy fresh flowers every week.

When You Realize, Mid-Explanation, That You Don't Know What You're Talking About.

"We don't really have a lot of options." -A server, at a restaurant, about salad dressing.

 What is a baseball?

 I think I arrived late to the yard sale.

The moon, and yellow light.

"There are Fireflies in Chicago"

I wonder if you're thinking

I wonder what he's up to right now.

Have you seen that movie?

Maybe you have a tattoo.

Sometimes, my friends,

Who you don't even know, 

Make faces that remind me of you.

I can't believe what moving on would mean.

--

After a certain point, we stop spending time with our friends in their bedrooms.  

The Last American Poet

"I might be crazy, but I am going to bet 10,000" -A contestant on Jeopardy, who won the daily double!

What some people who are in their twenties eat for dinner.

 What some people who are in their twenties wake up to in the morning.  

"My Phone Auto-Corrects All My Typos to your Name"

Getting through

And getting by

And getting off

And getting with

And getting down

And getting on

And getting to

And getting outside.

Oh you know, just relating it to it all as fiction. 

--

More time elapsed between when Tyrannosaurus Rex and Stegosaurus were alive than between when Stegosaurus and humans were alive.

banh who?

"Where are you going, Los Angeles?" -My cab driver, on my way to the airport to fly to Chicago

This is a lake, not an ocean.

"pretend it's Christmas"

it's rare
to find someone
who cares
about you.

--


Where is a worse place to fart--on an airplane or in a cab?


The feeling you get when you are about to de-board an airplane in an unfamiar airport and you know what it will basically look like inside but have no idea what it will actually look like inside.

Music, Movement, Comedy, and Philosophy.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take - Wayne Gretzky" -My friend, when I asked her to say something clever.

Three cheers for gender neutral bathrooms!

The woman who walked out of this apartment was so happy!

"The Most Pointless Trip to Washington Square Park"


Rode my bike in from Brooklyn.

Locked my bike up near the park.

Bought an iced coffee.

Went into the park and sat down.

Spilled my iced coffee.

Left.

--

I wonder about the people who wear Bonaroo t-shirts.

Somebody Loves You

"I don't know if I'll be able to understand it if it's in Shakespeare." -My friend, about the movie version of Much Ado About Nothing

bagel holocaust

burrito holocaust

Gone is all evidence that the ice cream ever existed. 

"A Day Off for One Twenty Three Year Old Living in Neto w York City"



Wake up at 10:00 in not your own bed.

Go to sign a lease for a new apartment but arrive at the wrong place and reschedule for tomorrow.

Take a cab to Williamsburg to pick up your bike where you locked it.

Bike to therapy in Manhattan.

Go to therapy.

Talk to your mom on the phone about therapy.

Go hang out with your friend from college in her older boyfriend's nice apartment.

Buy yourself clothes that you don't need from a store you found.

Make plans for the evening.

Bike downtown.

Buy sunglasses on St. Marks Street.

Sit in a coffee shop--drink an iced latte that you don't want.

Meet up with a friend from work.

Smoke a joint while walking down the street in the Lower East Side, past the place where you work.

Eat tacos.

Go see a movie.

Get a drink.

Bike home.

Stop to buy Honey Nut Cheerios.

Make a Facebook event.

Write about what you did.

--



even elephants get the blues.

Goodbye, Williamsburg!

"Sorry I'm so sweaty" - Everyone I run into on the street

urban whale

"my last shift at the restaurant"



The final days of anything
Are always the hardest.

--



The only key I have right now are for my bike lock.

Do You Remember Your 10th Birthday?

"Wait at sundaes and cones on 10 st btwn 3 and 4 av closer to 3 he'll pull up in a black saturn name is anthony" -A text from the kind of person you would expect to text you like that

look at all those butts! 

no one rides on the bridge this time of night.

"On the Way to the Grocery Store"

Today I found a rock.

If you were around, I'd give it to you.

But you're not.

Instead

I'll just think about it

And think about it

And think about it

And think about it

And think about it

And think about it.

Until I forget.

I'm sorry,
If I left Dorito stains all over your bed.

--

"Riding My Bike Home" (The form lends credibility)

this is going to sound cheesier than i want it to

if you want to identify the people in your life that you 

actually

care 

about,

notice the people that you say goodbye to before you are heading out of town.  

--

The only constant in my life for the past year has been working every saturday and sunday brunch.  

there is a place called christiania

"Dear mom and dad, I'm thinking of you. And wishing we all were in Solla Sollew." -Seussical the Musical (duh)

 self portrait: "crying, looking at myself crying, looking at myself crying (in a room that's not mine)  

a shell of my former self 

"the sound of uncooked shrimp dropped on metal"

When you cry

Lying on your back

The tears roll sideways

Across your face

Down your cheeks

And into your ears.

It's nice,

Because it gives you something

More tangible to worry about

Than whatever reason

You have for crying.

The smallest bones in our bodies

Live in our ears,

So it's important that they not

Get too wet.

--

"Nothing Is Too Interesting Today"

I don't remember

The last time

I masturbated

Because I was horny.

Am I weak

That I still cry about you

Sometimes?

I'm sitting on a fire escape--

It's so hot outside.

It's been such a long time

That I've thought about you everyday.

It's hard for anything to be too intersting

When it's so hot outside.

We sat on a fire escape once,

When we were still kids.

It's probably a little cooler

Sitting so high up.

What a gift a cloud can be.

--

"When"

I had some stuff

To do

Today

But instead

I sort of did nothing.

--

What more could a person ask for, then to end the day with a Facebook Friend Request?

this isn't where i was supposed to be on the fourth of july

"How soon?" - My dad, at the end of our phone conversation, when I told him that I would talk to him soon.

I missed the fireworks

but this morning, I saw these great crushed Skittles on the sidewalk.

"When Your Friends are your Parents"


There is
A certain kind
Of solitude
You feel
When you go to see the new Pedro Almodovar film by yourself.

You feel alone
Because you are alone.
You feel alone
Because everyone is speaking a language you don't understand.
You feel alone
Because it is a comedy
And no one told you it was a comedy
And you are the only one not laughing.

It is enough
To make you pack up
Your "to-go" container from Whole Foods,
Cut your losses,
And head home early.

It is probably important
For everyone to plan their own birthday party
At least once in their life.

--



I spent the entire bike ride up and down the Williamsburg Bridge trying to help my dad figure out what is Gmail username is.  Divided we fall!

you'll always be an eigth grader to me.

"Rainbows don't fascinate me." -My friend, about a rainbow.

--

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

I ate this by myself.

"Studio 5"

... by Julian Goldhagen

--




My bed has wheels, so I'm always on the move.